Fix me

dreading the moments bad memories flash lively in my eyes
in the most awkward situations one could ever been
drives me to ponder the several ifs in my mind
wondering if i hadn't been such a crybaby, hadn't been too sensitive
if i just try to be numb, a rock, or an empty shallow shell
or maybe pretend better then none of these be existent
everything would not fall apart right in front of my face
slapping me nonsensically

all these ifs and maybes are figments of my desperation
a ridiculous attempt to escape of its consequences
strangling me to my impending doom
keeping me awake from my guiltiness
smudging my innocence
scorching me from my endless regrets
wallowing me into darkness,
emptiness in the recesses of my shattered soul

my mask gradually cracks involuntarily
too pressured to contain its torments
desperately wishing it all to stop
before i resort to drastic measures
before i lose my sanity
slowly slipping away
drifting, fading aimlessly
into nothing


bangag_pa nov11 2038-nov12 1657